I HAVE DECIDED TO RATE EVERY MOVIE I WATCH IMMEDIATLEY AFTER WATCHING IT RIGHT NOW
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Attack of the Giant Leeches
(1959, DVD)
Out of every single movie I've ever seen, this is the one that feels most like two movies cobbled together. Legit the first 30 minutes and the last 30 minutes are two completely different movies. At an hour long though it's a cool movie to watch while stoned even though the audio is so low quality you can't hear what they're saying half the time. Will probably watch again just for the sake of it being a 50s B-movie.
5/10
29.08.26
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Naked Gun
(2025, DVD)
We need more mid to low budget films! Especially comedy movies!!! Yes I know that the 2000s became like splooge-fest for low quality low budget shitty parody movies, but I would 100% prefer all of that rather than listen to corpo shill Dwayne Johnson and Kevin Hart jerk each other off for another hour and a half in this month's action "comedy". I think this reboot keeps the laugh-a-minute vibe of the original very well without feeling diluted at all like so many other big budget comedies currently being released. A simple review for a simple movie, it is what it is and its good at it.
7.5/10
29.08.26
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The Princess Diaries
(2001, Streaming)
What a throw back! I haven't watched this since I was a kid. I remember nearly no details about this movie and I def think I got some details confused with the sequel. I think it still has that je ne sais quoi that appeals to my nostalgia as an '04 baby and I don't think I could ever hate it but by god some of those characters are insufferable. Lilly sucks as a friend and unfortunately does remind me of some people from highschool, and it's definitely a case of absurdly evil bullies which is sort of part and parcel for this era of these kinds of movies. The reporters crowding around the changing booth KNOWING that a 15 year old is in there and is about to be suddenly revealed naked is actual diddy material though like THAT is insane. Also Anne looked like a really convincing 15 year old for the first 3rd(?) but after the makeover she somehow looked like a 25 year old playing a 15 year old while being 17 during the shooting. Anyways, film filled with horrible characters redeemed by the inescapable charm of Julie Andrews and Anne Hathaway. Plus it's still fun
6.5/10
05.09.26
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Jurassic Park
(1993, DVD)
Holy smokes. Maybe it was just la ganja but this movie was WAY better than I remembered it being. I was huge on it when I was young cause I was a dinosaur kid, and I don't think I've really watched it since I was like 13. The CGI was amazing for the 90s and the practical effect dinosaurs will always be a classic, but rewatching this now as an adult undoubtedly the best part was all the scenes with just the people. The backgrounds are so beautiful and really go to show that in so many cases just shooting somewhere real looks way better than CGI landscapes that the later films in the franchise suffer from. Some wizard themes about the hubris of mankind and greed and how we truly are not and never will be in control, but more importantly everybody in this movie is cunted the fuck out like I love all of their outfits they're all so perfectly them oh my god. ALSO I don't think that Ellie and Alan needed to have a big kiss or overt romance moment in the movie, in fact I'm glad its so ambiguous, but IT WAS A CRIME TO ROB US OF IT IN JURASSIC PARK 3!! THEY HAD SO MUCH CHEMISTRY IN THE FIRST ONE BUT YOU JUST HAD TO INTRODUCE A SEPERATE PARTNER FOR ELLIE IN THE 3RD! I WOULDVE LET IT BE IF YOU LET IT BE, SPIELBERG.
P.S. I just found out it was some Joe Johnston that directed JP3 not Spielberg, so sorry pal you're off the hook. Also Joe Johnston is like a fake name you give at a motel.
9/10
07.09.26
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The Running Man
(2025, DVD)
I watched this one in cinemas when it came out and again now on DVD, and I don't know if I'm just super influenced by watching a movie where I watch a bunch of corporate chuddites getting killed but apparently this movie was BAD!?!?! I mean I don't think its perfect but I definitely enjoyed it more than almost any other new action movie I've seen in the last ages. I love the cornetto trilogy and Scott Pilgrim and Baby Driver are probably in my top x movies ever, so I certainly agree that this isn't the most Edgar Wright movie of all time but it certainly still has noticeable Edgar Wright-isms that make it feel distinct from other action movies. Also Glenn Powell really isn't as bad as people make him out to be, like sure I wouldn't put him up as a GOAT of cinema but like cmon man, who else do you want to fucking see in this movie? Timothee Chalamet? Tom Holland? Are you kidding me??? Yes the third act is the weakest but people talking about how it ruins the whole movie are exaggerating a LOT. It's a fun action romp and the villains are the same actual villains in real life too so its extra fun!! :DDD Also I don't know if I missed something but this movie was like MILES and MILES better than the original 1987 film with Arnie, like me and my homeboy found that movie borderline unwatchable and by half way we were only finishing it because of sunk cost fallacy. No clue how the original gets rated over the remake ever by anyone.
Also after watching this movie Glenn Powell is my fancast for B.J. Blazkowicz in a Wolfenstein movie. We already know he can play well with a Nazi on screen, he costarred with one in Anyone But You! Zing! Fuck you Sydney Sweeney, and fuck you too Chris Pratt and like so many other people you fascist boot licking MAGA cock suckers. You're all pathetic traitors to the arts and I can't wait for you to burn in hell.
7/10
08.09.26
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Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
(1998, DVD)
This is undoubtedly in my top 5 films of all time. Honestly, I'm a slut for late 60s/early 70s americana, and by god this film is that. Watching this movie makes me so unbelievably jealous of the counter culturalists of the 60s and how much easier they had it compared to us, and how they really fucking dropped the ball to keep change moving instead of calling it quits after they ended the Vietnam war. Jokes on you, the government never needed the draft to get their teen soldiers cause propaganda worked just fine. Also, the hallucinations aren't even the most unsettling part of this movie, the shots of hedonistic, capitalist, red blooded Americans that populate Vegas do a good enough job themselves. Also I mean just those shots of driving down the Mojave are just something else, and the film its shot on really makes it all come together. Everyone is so gross and sweaty and it's just the right amount of disorienting and non linear without it being difficult to understand. I think this movie (or I guess the book its based on) has a lot to say about American culture during the turn of the 70s, as well as being incredibly well directed and acted and insanely dynamic in its cinematography and lighting, as well as being a fun movie watching two horrible people ripped through the hellscape that is Vegas. It may not be for everyone, but it's just everything it needed to be.
Also Oscar Zeta Acosta, the person Dr. Gonzo is based off of, has a quote that says "I am not a lawyer, I am a warlord" and that is actually tough as fuck, God bless you Acosta. Give the white man an inch and he'll take a mile so show them who's fucking boss. I hope the cartel didn't get you.
9.5/10
09.09.26
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Dude, Where's My Car?
(2000, Streaming)
Bro the writers of this movie genuinely need to be put to death or something this movie is BUNS. This movie actually has the acting chops of like a lele pons vine I have never watched a comedy that I found as seriously bad as this. The comedy is so bad that I want to watch it again out of like malice and mockery and general ill will and is now on my DVD wish list. It is such a painful time capsule of the turn of the millennium bro humour, wet T-shirt contest and all, but there were admittedly a few good ones in there. Although, I watch stoned so I mean take that with a grain of salt. I did appreciate that 5 minutes where it became a b-movie monster flick and also jumpscare Gail the Snail cameo. Also I literally actually jumped up and gasped because of how shocked I was at the giantess vore bit which I was did not see coming lmao. I wonder which writer's fetish THAT one was. Bad movie, don't watch, but I will also be watching again.
P.S. drink every time they say "dude" to kill yourself.
3/10
18.09.26
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Twilight
(2008, Streaming)
I haven't watched this movie in like a few years and oh my god its way crazier than I remember. This may genuinely be peak good bad watches like I'm so serious like genuinely every scene with Edward felt like it was Dennis Reynolds playing Edward in an IASIP parody episode. Growing up I always heard that the acting was super stilted and lowkey they undersold it but leik now culturally its so embedded into Twilight that I couldn't imagine it without it. Also the music high key fucks hard still and supermassive black hole baseball will forever remain a cornerstone of contemporary film. Edward is a fucking predator and I always lowkey though Jacob was chopped, I'M TEAM CHARLIE 4 LYFE!!!! Cinematography also goes crazy like the fucking matrix 360 shot for no reason, hold on tight, spider-monkey! There was genuine applause in the club room when we finally got to see the piggy back scene! I can't wait to watch this again but drunk.
Also someone teach the Cullens about concealer or something, and then additionally someone also tell Bella about concealer too because how is she paler than the actual vampires they painted white.
7/10
24.09.26
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